Deceived-disappointed - total DISBELIEF

Alright... if you've read my previous post abt my trip to tekke.. this is like the next part to it.. in fact the reason why i blogged that was to aid in elaborating my feelings here..

You see, i so badly wanted to buy clothes since that day.. So i smsed my fren A askin her out for shopping. Among my frens A, B, C, and D, i've always felt more comfortable in A's presence and in talkin to her and expressing my feelings.. she was almost "the jc" fren type of LK (my bestest and good fren in hss til nw) right.. i must have asked her out the following sat i think.. asking her if we cud go shopping on either mon or tue... she said okay.. fine.

So, on sunday night, i smsed her how? Mon or tue? she said let's go on tue cos her mum's off on monday so she cud stay home wif her. I understand and i still do. fine.
den on monday night, i smsed her again tmr how? tat kind of thing.. expecting her to reply askin where we're gg, wad time we're meeting and stuff.. but she didnt reply... i tot she must have been asleep (she always says she falls asleep in the midst of sending a sms) so nvm... i tot i'll be able to get her the next morning... next morning, i woke abt 9 plus i think... i looked at my phone - no reply. smsed her agn. no reply.... wait, waited wand kept waiting till abt 12 plus? i then decided to call instead.. i always avoided calling cos it just felt weird.. i called her hp. it was switched off!! not even a ring! kinda shocked cos she's one person u can always call n she's highly likely to pick up amongst the other 3... but i chose to believe that she's either still sleeping or batt's flat... so i called her house............................................................

That's RIGHT! her father picked up the phone and he said that "A HAS GONE OUT!" i was down.. felt very lousy.. i could guess who she went out with... who else.. it's him all right. Mixed with frustration and disappointed-ness.. i smsed her saying "u could haf told me abt ur date, i very understanding one" or to the extent.. i sound forgiving ah.. haha.. i can't do anything right? if she placed him before me.. it's her priority.. she said he told her the usual thing... "the whole world is impt to u except me.. " u know.. i m starting to get quite IRRITATED with him.. such an irritating bugger trying to seek sympathy at every whim... u know... she has ardy met up with him thrice b4 this!! twice they went fishing and 1ce somewhere i forgot... in fact they went out even earlier a few more times to get some crap of a GPS for his bloody damn car.. to hell with him la.. pathetic fellow... btw when she smsed me at 1 plus.. she asked if i wanted t go out and tat she had 30 bucks left.. somehow i realised she wasn't in the mood to go anywhere else either cos she was on the train back ardy... i was lazy as well.. so i said nvm.. she suggested wed , the next day...

okay nvm.. so that was the reason for tuesday.... on tueday night, i smsed her askin her wad time to meet n tat we go jp2 and plans n stuff.... earlier in the afternoon she was alright with going and we were even askin B along and i smsed C to come too... C said she's going to buy books for her sis n B didnt confirm.. on tues night when i smsed her, DEN she replied sayin tat she "just asked her mum for money and she said her mum said A has to go temple on wed morning and meditation in the evening.... How nice is that? does anyone undrestand how i feel? Suddenly i feel so alone like a loner.. no one to turn to... friendless... LONELY...

since sun, i've been telling my mum i'll be gg out tmr and tmr and tmr... how embarassing.. i really feel like crying... who do i actually count on in future? Is this the story of my lonely life? Will it get any different? I've begun to think I'm not doing enuf good deeds...
mayb it is ME... b4 my As i told myself of the things i want to do and i nd to do... such a procastinator i am.. i didnt manage to get a thing done.. maybe its how i failed to keep my word that she has failed to keep hers.. is this retribution??
Oh GOD! Enlighten me and forgive me if you must..